last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
