i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
