Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
