apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
