I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
