You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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