I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
