By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
