Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
