I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
