do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
