I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
