operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
