I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
