I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
