I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
