im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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