I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
