I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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