We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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