Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
