she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
