i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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