you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Randomize
