There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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