I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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