You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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