Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
