You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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