call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
