Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
