I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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