When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
