No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to sanitize my soul.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
