I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
