you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
