i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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