dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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