Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
