that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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