Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my sisters under your porch take her home
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
