So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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