Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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