I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
