Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
