Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
