dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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