This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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