my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
