I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
