I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
